Managing stress and crises
Chapter Eight: Dealing with difficult people
When you talk to tournament fishermen about the rewarding aspects of our sport, they mention the competition, being close to nature and the camaraderie as equally important. However, there is near unanimous agreement that a lousy boat partner can ruin a tournament day faster than anything else. Unfortunately it is pretty easy to feel discouraged and emotionally deflated when your partner starts the day in an irritable, hostile, sarcastic or insulting manner.
In most areas of life, when we encounter such people, we can usually walk away or ignore them. That’s not so easy to do in a bass boat. Most of us struggle to deal effectively with difficult club members, tournament staff or sponsor personnel on whom we depend for financial support. Let’s look at a few strategies for how to handle the not-so-friendly, disagreeable types.
Situations vs. people
If you only get one thing out of this column, make it be this: Learn to differentiate difficult people from reasonable people who are in a bad mood. Most of us are grumpy, frustrated or out of sorts on occasion, though a bad mood doesn’t necessarily equate to a bad person. So when you show up at the dock excited, pumped and ready for a great day on the lake only to find the person in the other end of the boat is sullen and caustic, start by giving the guy the benefit of the doubt. Assume this is a decent person who is bothered about something specific. Jumping to the conclusion that because he’s in a bad mood means he’s a jerk leaves you with relatively few options.
In martial arts, the first move is a half step back. This is almost always a wise choice as it gives you a broader picture and time to size up your situation. If your boat mate is crabby, step back and look around. You may quickly recognize the problem, a malfunctioning piece of equipment, for example. You might then say something supportive, or you may have some helpful advice to offer.
If your grumpy partner’s problem isn’t obvious, see if he or she will tell you what it is. “How’s it goin?” may be all the opening that’s necessary for the person’s trials and agonies to come to the surface. If a general question doesn’t work, try the “Is there anything I can do to help?” approach. Most people who are having a tough time are not looking for a fight. If you let people know you’re there to be helpful rather than do battle, you’ll be surprised at how fast they become cooperative and agreeable.
One of the trickiest situations to handle involves the person who starts out in a great mood but, for reasons you cannot decipher, becomes hostile and irritable during the course of the day. This next suggestion may sound wimpy to you, but a great strategy for diffusing the tension this kind of mood creates is to ask, “Did I screw up something here?”
Remember, you don’t have to believe you did anything wrong to ask this question. However, not saying anything and letting the tension continue is a bad option. Your partner may be bothered by something trivial that he wouldn’t mention unless you ask. Be advised, however, that such a ploy could backfire and lead to a torrent of venomous accusations that include you, your momma and half of east Texas!
The difficult person
Of course, we do have among us a few individuals who are categorically not nice. Psychology has diagnostic labels for these people, and they are among the most challenging types to work with or change. If you are stuck for a day in a boat with such a person, you could think of it as punishment for the stuff your mom and dad didn’t catch you doing when you were a teenager. If you have ongoing contact with this kind of individual, get some professional help. You will find there are useful tactics for protecting yourself from devious individuals.
And finally, there aren’t many guarantees in psychology, but here’s something that comes close: If you confront an angry, upset individual, there is a very high likelihood that you will be responded to in kind. Getting into a mud-wrestling match with a pig is a bad idea because you will get very dirty, you will probably lose and THE PIG LIKES IT.
Look for compromise, admit when you’re wrong and try to help people who are upset. If you do, you’ll find there are a lot fewer difficult people around than you may have thought.
Jay T. McNamara, Ph.D., L.P., is a psychologist, who is also an avid bass and walleye angler. With more than 25 years of professional experience complemented by participation in competitive fishing at local and national levels, he is uniquely qualified to illustrate how performance psychology principles apply to tournament fishing.